Confession: My faith has always been lacking

And this has been one of the hardest four years ever. It has challenged me with my family, my friends and just in generally. I am generally a type A control freak kinda person. I have grown up mostly in a Catholic family. I went to Baptist school…………..I have heard it all. I know in my head more than my heart that I do not need to worry about my future and that I will end up where I belong. Its just hard.

And another thing that is hard for me to phantom is that someone actually wants me to be happy and wants the best for me. Its hard for me to understand………Its also hard for me to understand how I do not have to gain someone's love. That’s how its been my entire life. It just happens that is part of the reason I work my butt off. But then again something that I want is to get a job. Its hard for me to believe people when they appear to have their life together…..or at least have a job because I have been looking for a job- anything for about three years. And when people say to wait about having a job and that eventually the right guy will come along at the right time…..I AM TIRED OF WAITING. And Quite frankly seriously doubt God right now.

So sorry I am little hard to trust him--- I cant see him, I can barley trust people I meet. So yeah. I am seriously doubting he knows what is best for me and wants what is best for me , where has he been since like 2008?? Seems to be nonexistent.

 

So all that being said…….I am gonna try and trust him. I mean things are looking better with my family. That and I am a logical person and it goes against logic. I am difficult and subborn and I know it.